The Bil and the Beautiful

The Bil and the Beautiful

Credo: We're too old to go to school. And yet.

Type: clan
Cannot be traded.

+3 Brain Damage


Supertinker Goldlocks Kroook NewZorkBat
Supertinker The Bil Helmar NastyNoodle
Supertinker The Bil and the Beautiful Silvinio Vehem
Equals The Bil and the Beautiful... and SoLD


See what happens when you play too much KoL? See what happens?!

Goldlocks (Bil)

Goldlocks is pretty much the Ghost of the English Language's great-granddaughter. And not only because she knows words like "hither" and "yon". She's also the discoest bandit out there and mixes NewZorkBat's Mai Tais. And... drinks them.

Kroook (Bil)

Kroook is, in every aspect, the Naughty Sorceresses evil twin brother.

NewZorkBat (Bil)

In the alternate universe where stick figures play meaty people, a piñata would choose NewZorkBat as their character. She talks horse, and she's filled up with sweets and chocolate. And she's experienced with spankings.

Helmar (Goldlock's Beauty)

Goldlock's personal private Meat Golem is Helmar. Sadly, he has left the Kingdom of Loathing for other distant countries. So his Kol account is no more.

NastyNoodle (NewZorkBat's Beauty)

Uncle Crimbo from the distant past modelled himself after NastyNoodle from the not-so-distant future. Just that NastyNoodle has a piñata sleigh.

Silvinio (SoLD)

Silvinio's alter ego is Susie - they're caring, they're cooking, and they look great dressed in pink!

Vehem (SoLD)

The helpfullest of the helpful, in the mirror universe that is KoL, Vehem would spank his little math pupils with a golden twig, just like the Toot.


  • A bit of clan history: 'Twas the summer of 2005.Goldlocks' old highschool friends invited Kroook and NewZorkBat into the Kingdom of Loathing. "Look, I found this cool little stick figure game. You can adventure, and eat and drink and get married. Or something," she said.
    "Well... I don't know, Goldlocks...." NewZorkBat replied, "I don't really have time for this, with all of my questing and adventuring... Sometimes I pray that I may have something that could take me away from the hustle and bustle of real life crusades. Like something simple and fun. That, and I don't really know how to get married."
    And Goldlocks suggested, "You could bring along that guy that you're trying to make fall in love with you and flirt with him like a minx all the while. His girlfriend shall Never know!"
    Both of them enjoyed a good, maniacal laugh at the mention of Never.
    "Sounds about right!" is what NewZorkBat replied with, wiping the tears of maniacal-ness from her eye.
    And so the founding members invited NastyNoodle to join in the extreme happy good fun time. He is the guy that NewZorkBat shares everything with now in and outside of KoL, and Helmar was also invited, the guy that Goldlocks fancied. And shares with everything now. And they all lived happily ever and ever. Forever. And all of time. Until noone else lived on to see them. That's that.
  • Much, much later after everyone was happily ever after and noone else was alive to see them, NewZorkBat brought along two more friends from her so called gaming guild SoLD, Silvinio and Vehem. They, also tired of the tedious life of an adventurer, found a niche amongst the clan, serving and stirring drinks for everyone else.


  • Bil: A long, long time ago, Goldlocks, Kroook and NewZorkBat went to a highschool with bilingual classes (German/English). They were all in the bilingual (bil) group of pupils then.
  • Beautiful: Well, NastyNoodle and Helmar are definitely beautiful. And we like alliterations, so "The Bil and the Handsome" didn't work for us. It also sounds like "The Bold and the Beautiful" which is purely coinsidential. Really.
  • SoLD: The Sorcerers of Light and Darkness (SoLD) is NewZorkBat's gaming guild that she left in her other pocket when she signed up for KoL.
  • "A bit of clan history": It's the truth and nothing but the truth, and was written down by Nerevarmoonandstar.